Sunday, July 23, 2017

Being 23 and single, there're a lot of things that go through my mind and I just felt like being honest and getting all my thoughts out.

Bare in mind, this post is probably going to be a long one, with a lot of text and feelings.

So where do I begin... I have been single most of my life and the "relationships" I did have, never really was anything serious. My mid- and late teen years were probably the years, I spend the most time around guys. Then something changed, I'm not sure what, but the next following years were filled with a lot of Tinder, that never turned into something special. 

Now I'm sitting here at 2AM, not being able to sleep, because I'm overthinking this whole thing... A lot of questions go through my mind: Why am I single? Am I not good enough? What's wrong with me? Am I going to be alone forever? Okay maybe the last one is a bit dramatic, but hey sometimes that's exactly what I think. Then I start analyzing my whole life. Yeah.. I guess I'm a little shy to begin with, I'm an introvert, maybe living a bit too much in my own head and yes I do struggle with low self confidence, but there must be someone out there for me. 

Seriously, my parents found each other in their teens! In my teens, my life had just begun, boys where the least of my worries. But times were different back then, most of my friends parents also found each other in their teens, I guess that's not really the norm anymore.
Some people might be thinking, "Hey, you're only 23, you have a lot of years left, to find a guy." Even though that might be true, this is the age where a lot of people in my social circle are beginning to live with their partner, beginning to have kids or even thinking about moving into a house... While I'm here, living alone in my studio apartment, suddenly feeling like I'm behind and running out of time. I would like to have kids someday too, hopefully before I'm 35, yikes! But before that, I would like to have a good solid relationship with someone, I've had time to enjoy being young with.

But this dilemma all boils down to me comparing myself with everyone, which is stupid, because (and this might sound cliche, but...) we all have our own life's path and everything happens, when it does for a reason, at least that's what I believe. I read part of a quote that really resonated with me, it says:

"... life happens according to our time, our clock. You may look at your friends and some may seem to be ahead or behind you, but they are not, they are living accordingly to the pace of their clock, so be patient. You are not falling behind, it's just not your time."

Reading this quote makes me calm and less worried, but when I'm lying in bed at 2AM, like tonight, not being able to sleep, I can't help but feel a little lost and like I'm going nowhere in life.

All of that being said, being single isn't all that bad, it's mostly not having someone to share life with that's a bummer, other than that it's pretty great and has taught me a lot.
I have become very independent and quite the handywoman, even though I still don't know how to fix my bike.
I'm slowly learning that, despite all the relationship expectations, my family, my friends and I have, when it's my time, it will happen.
Now, while I can, I'm enjoying as much of my single life as possible.
I am a grown woman, that can do whatever I want, whenever I want to, without having to talk to anyone about it, that's a pretty amazing feeling.